Bad loser?

I don't think this is good. But i know NOW i really want it. YOU.
Why can't we just give it a try, a shot, a moment for a memory. That's all i ask!

I guess that's it. Why?

You are my only Toufu. And i can't never make it with my mind and heart so imbalance thinking about you. I can't never compose a song, i can't get inspired with a breaking heart. I can't think clearly without you loving me. Hey i really need you like a heart needs a beat!

NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!
NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT!

I am dead.
WHy not just giving a SHOT to my heart to my brain, to my kidney, let me burst explode, hit me till i shake and breakdown. Why? And why not? It feels as great as the thunder strikes me, it feels as cool as a cannibal eats up my intestines, it feels great to be broken i guess. It feels sad but glad that you make it. You win. You won this game my dear. You win everything. Shake me harder, till i bleed. Till i bleed. Did you hear that?

Ok, nothing more to say. YOu know what i mean.
The end of this story is still. I owe you. I lose this game. I am a LOser.
The reason why I am a loser because i love you.

Darn it!

Fire is red but it's turning BLUE! I am afraid it's too late....
Ouueouuuhhhh....
Not apologize. I don't ask for that. But i can't stop let the song ringing in my head. I keep listening to apologize. No i don't need that from your mouth. I am hearing what you say but i just can't make a sound. I am off the ground, flying to cloud No.9, AND NOW....
And now......
And now, i am hitting hard on the ground.
Again.

I need you like a heart needs a beat!

Damn it!

Sorry like an angel Heaven let me think was you!

Fuck it!

I don't want this storyline.

It's crappy. I dont' want this. DOn't want it to end like this. Gimme more. Hurt this soft hearted kind of crappy soul. Break me more. Cause i am feeling good that way. Numb me! Nudge me! Slap me! I am getting out of control. But it's not yours. Not your issue. It's all mine. My trouble is all mine. Getting on my nerves. Blaming on the wrong conversation. Leading me to the path i shouldn't ever walk on. You make me wanna run. You make me wanna lose. You make me wanna hide. You make me wanna cry. You make me wanna smile. You make me wanna fly. You make me wanna stop. You make me wanna try. You make me wanna fight. You make me real loser. You make me real damn dummy person. You make me nothing. You make me somebody. You break me. You kill my inner soul. You damn irritating my eyes in my every seconds. You make me speechless. Damn fucking loser here watching the words as if the world goes upside down. Damn fucking enemy i just can't hurt myself today. Damn hell out of nothing i just wanna be swallowed by a monster. The monster who loves to eat a duck and chicken. They taste nice at first, now they taste like a shit. Fucking animal pee and poo at the side of the road, and you think it is gold. Aren't you tired reading this? Hah! Now you think.. shouldn't I be the one tired of typing this? No.

I can type all the craps in my mind. But i can't make things right once tonight. Blew me up once again. Till i whole again. Irritating. Don't let me get me or i will dig out my heart and roast it and get it served nicely, well done??? Do you like it? It tastes sweet and saltish. I wanna present that to you. No guilt! I don't ask that. I dont' need sympathy. I hate sort of people who is here out of fucking pity me! The door is chained now. Fucking glued with super uhu glue.

Off to airport one day. I wanna fly so faraway. Get myself out of this town and forget the lost soul. I hope i never come back. What a loser. Chicken. Timid. Fucking bad loser. Sounds like that. Runaway and never change. Runaway again till i get tired and run again. Run... Oh. What else to crap?

I just wanna feel something. Ease myself from this loser own creation space of imagination. Loser world. That's what i mean. Didn't get it? Chey. You will never get it. Cause it's not yours. These words are not coming from you. It doesn't matter. What matter most now is, i wanna get a shot for you. I wanna get a shot for myself. I wanna get a shot till i bleed.

Oh i am so afraid. I am afraid of hell. I am afraid of prince of netherworld. I am afraid of everything. Like real!!!! Sigh loud again. Ok. I am ok.

Jeanne: I will be fine
Cancerz: Are you really alright?
Jeanne: I guess so. I have spit out all the troubles away from my heart and mind.
Cancerz: Spit it more if it will make you feel better.
Jeanne: This time i can spit my heart out to show you that it wants to stop beating.
Cancerz: hang on there...
Jeanne: SOrry, i know i can fight it. But i am giving it up.
Cancerz: Don't give up. You will lose more!
Jeanne: Doesn't make a different!
Cancerz: .....
Jeanne: Bye. i go sleep now.
Cancerz: Don't listen to sad songs.
Jeanne: I am listening back to K-one. Ru guo mei you ming tian.
Jeanne: I really look forward for that.
Cancerz: You so negative.
Jeanne: Ahhhhh.. no. no nono. I know what to do now. =)

Excuse the crappy ugly version way of blogging. I am tired. Stress ba...