Sunday, April 15, 2007

I want Time to run FAST !

I don't know what to say.
YL can't get into degree. I don't wanna think about mine. I really got to be independant, even if i really can't manage to do a good project, the lowest marks will do. I don't wanna expect anything, as long as i can pass this degree one-year fast... FAST!!! I want time to run FAST now.

I have been thinking so much lately. There's a bout inside my head. Something that makes me scared, worried, and haunted.
I know how it feels now, unspoken words that one'd rather keep. One that doesn't dare to question because the answer might hurt.

I feel lost too!
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==Bond==
It's not James Bond.

The bond is strong. The stronger it gets, the scarier it is felt. I am listening to 退后-周杰伦

The Lyrics-translation(a credit to my lyracist)::

The grey sky is like after crying
Days after leaving you, it wasn’t freedom after all
The sourest feeling that lingers in the air is like the lock that pulls our distance
A scene of heart breaking ending is alike to an unstoppable breathing
Yellowed pages diary kept in drawer, seems to find back their old past
That smile is foolish
Our past
Have been really deeply forgotten.
Love has been deprived of oxygen,
Forced tears are all redundant
I know the fault is not ours
But we had all forgot how to step backwards
Trust gave to promise
Had all let time made empty
I know the fault is not ours
But letting go is just the best way to go
Let the best love enveloped in memory lane.


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Lately, I have been received bad comments from people. No longer someone who always hear perfect praise from others. Well, i guess life is about it. You can't always reach the same level, (a high position); one day you'll just slip down from where you stand, fall and hit hard on the ground.
It doesn't matter, it is either make me stronger or stop me from doing it.
Right now....
I don't want it. I stop.
They used to tell me they know what i want, and so do i. Music? Not really. I don't love it today, yesterday, or tomorrow. I know it stops somewhere there. And i am not going to pursue anything now.

The second time i say.... I feel Lost.
I really do. I looked for any strangers to talk my heart out. But it didn't help much.
There is something i realize..
When you cry hard in front of your screen, you think that it is all about feeling so LOST, and you always tell me you don't even know why you cry; perhaps you are just tired.
I guess it's not true.
Self-deception! You know what you are thinking, it's just you're running away from it. You are thinking about it, so you know what is wrong, you don't wanna say it.
Eventually, after hard time having a fight inside my own head, i still don't know what to do. Hahaha..

Well.. i was thinking of this. *______* I seriously believe things will change.
I was talking to Rinn, had a long night conversation. We can chat heart to heart in msn, but when we meet, they are all craps! Rinn is one of the best graphic designer i ever met!

I am sleepy and tired, yet dont' wanna tuck in. I wanna rest in peace suddenly. I don't know what i am doing, but i am having a lot of arguments inside head. I am talking so much in here, as if tomorrow never comes again. And yes, i create all these troubles to myself and let myself drift away.
I really want to have some puffs.

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