My Mood

Vexed. Regrets. Unveiled sadness. Burnt. Hurt. Bad Mood.

Hello to myself!

Hi hi, i am coming back to blog here again. I don't know why after a year, i finally feel that i should start to type something again.

Firstly, i can improve my typing skills.
Secondly, i can improve my english.
Thirdly, i can vent my emotion inside.

Well, this blog hasn't been visited for very long period. It feels so dusty to me. hahah..
And it will be a secret place where i will bury my own feeling, where no one knows :)

My secrets will reveal.....

Beautiful Mistake

It's now the time... to end this romance.

.... said: 

I am glad that I have talked over about my r/s issue with Dear. It started with tears after making love. But then we solved the problem which had been lying for 2 months of quarreling and fighting and yelling. It's over now. How relieved I am =)

Though it's sad that it's over now. 

Thought it's sad that there's no longer honey moon period to look forward.

Though what's beautiful were now just a memory.

Though today was the last chance to make love to you.

Our moment last for about 2 years. Thank you. And I love you.

.... Chapter closed.

This is, What a beautiful mistake is...

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Yesterday went to watch G.I.Joe and it is not my type. Hmm..... Good nite everyone. 

Mad

i have been feeling mad these few days.

1. No where to turn to when i am feeling down.

2. Can't blog cause my laptop is going to die anytime.

3. I wrote my feeling on a piece of paper and i don't know what to do about it. Should i fold into a plane paper and fly it from 29th floor?

4. Depressed with my own mind. No one understand.

5. I am losing weight.

6. I am going home and don't know when yet because of work. 

7. At this moment, i just can't wait to leave this country. Runaway coward!

8. I am poor.

9. I am single and available.

10. This time really break up.

11. Don't know what to say anymore.

Goals

We need goals in our life. What is yours? Because if you don't have one, you will live this life sadly wondering the purposes of yourself standing here.

I used to have a goal, a very big dream, big hopes, big future. To be honest, they all had dashed since I came to Singapore. I am not sure what i want now or to pursue what i loved to do. No, i am still searching. Perhaps till i die, not sure again. You see.. this is the thing that makes people not moving at all. Waiting for miracles to come and procrastinating, this is what i do. You are doing it too, i believe.

It's almost 2 years I am in this relationship which no one knows. I am sorry to my love, that i have to erase some parts of the good memories ~ our pictures. I am listening to mad world. I guess it's not a mad world we are living in. It's the people that creating all these madness.

Back Again

I went to watch UP today, it was a good cartoon movie. It made me shed a tear for a while watching how the old man tried to fulfill his wife's dream, but sadly she passed away and leaving him lonely. It was an adventurous movie which is emotional but funny- you can see 2 old men fighting with the "bone cracking sound". It is a meaningful and nice movie afterall.

I drank a glass of vodka which tasted awful. It is "Absolute Pear". I regret to have bought it on the duty-free shop last April. I mixed it with cranberry fruit juice, but still it sucks. I still have more than half a bottle and have no idea how am i gonna finish it. I prefer beer and wine now.

Talking about drinking, i have no idea too when was the first time i started to go onto it. Now it's like a soft drink to me, which I don't mind to sip like every weekend. There were some periods where i used it as a way to make myself drunk so that i won't think so much. So many things have happen in my life. Though, it seems so real i am not moving on at all. But i won't think so much about it now.

Well, i am thinking if i can apply for leave another 2 weeks time. My mother wants me to go home. I am not sure if I should leave this town and go back for good. It's been more than 5 years. How the time flies so fast. I was 18 when I first reached Singapore.

It's been so long i have not blogged like i used to like in studying time. My english is getting from bad to worse, maybe i should start writing again.

Good nite everyone!

Dreaming

Drunk again, but that's alright...

I drink almost everyday to sleep. But today, i just wanna tell you this;

It's not easy to be me,
It's not easy to be you,
We both don't know how it's like to be in others shoe
To be with you is wonderful,
To be in love can be hurtful,
It's been more than i thought my love could last,
I am talking rubbish as my mind is twirling
I keep drinking,
I wanna lose myself in this love story
Insanity as part of the memory
I sacrifice my friend
I sacrifice my parents' wish
I sacrifice almost everything that you can't see
I sacrifice myself to be in this state now
No one can see what's happening
No one will believe what has been going on
It's been a secret for more than a year
And now i am drunk to keep myself forgetting who I am
Love can be so boring
And I always speak to your misunderstanding
Do you understand this heart-breaking story?
I have been getting this nightmare and so,
Don't get yourself into trouble by getting into my world
I can't even walk straight now,
Wondering how long I have been leaving new songs coming?
What happen to old cancerz who has a goal and dream?
Gone, with love
or,
Gone, because of love.

(Dream)